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Well, OK, it's not that I don't like him. But this boyfriend thing, I just don't know. Kenny's a nice enough guy and all - don't get me wrong. I mean, he is funny and not boring to be with, certainly. And he's pretty cute, you know, in a tall, skinny sort of way. It's just that when I see Kenny walking down the hall, my heart doesn't start beating faster, the way girls' hearts start beating faster in those teen romances my friend Tina is always reading. And when Kenny takes my hand, at the movies or whatever, it's not like my hand gets hot in his, the way girls' hands do in those books. And when he kisses me? Yeah, you know those fireworks people always talk about? OK, forget it. No fireworks. Nil. It's funny, because before I got a boyfriend I used to spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to get one and, once I got him, how I'd get him to kiss me. But now that I actually have a boyfriend, mostly all I do is try to figure out how to get out of kissing him. So I decided I have to tell him. Kenny, I mean. About how I really feel. That's why my life is over. Because how do you say to somebody who wants to hold your hand in the movies that you don't like him in that way? Especially when he's already asked you out a bunch of times and you've gone. And you knew full well the whole time that he wasn't asking you as a friend — he was asking you as a potential life mate. And now everybody considers us this big thing. You know? Now we're Kenny-and-Mia. All I can say is, be careful what you wish for. It just might come true.