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Our desire for happiness has helped develop a multi-million pound industry focused on pleasure. Despite this, many of us still seem to be unhappy! Psychologist Janet Wells seems to know exactly why. Here we uncover her secrets of how to actually achieve that missing happiness.
In the past, people rarely discussed whether they were happy or not and kept their feelings to themselves. Today though, magazine articles giving advice on the pursuit of happiness bombard us from all sides. It would appear that being unhappy is now generally unacceptable, especially where the younger generation is concerned. These days, it is that particular group that feels quite comfortable talking openly about happiness or a lack of it. They believe that a state of happiness equals success and that without success they are nothing.
It seems that people are more willing to try to react differently to life’s events. Janet is a fine example of this and has found that changing her outlook has brought her a certain amount of happiness. She began to understand that she had made her own life difficult because she tended to think or act in harmful ways. For example, never admitting that she was wrong because that would undoubtedly make her seem weak and vulnerable, or criticising herself endlessly, certain that she did not deserve success and happiness.
She was, at one point, a definite pessimist. She believed that if you expected little in life then you would be able to avoid disappointment. The turning point in her life was when the knowledge she gained through her studies allowed her to face up to the fact that it was possible to actually get rid of doubts and learn to be more contented with yourself and your life. This helped her to change many aspects of her life, including her outlook, her relationships and her choices.
Change, of course, brings uncertainty and uncertainty can create fear. Most of us tend to stay with what we know rather than choose any form of change. As a result, we continue to be unhappy. If we do decide to change things, however, we then begin a journey that only we can map out. We can, however, also learn from other people. According to Janet’s research, people can have similar upbringings yet have very different ideas and responses to the exact same events.
In support of these findings she quotes the ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus who said, "It is not things in themselves that trouble us, but our opinion of those things." So, we create our own translations of things that happen in life and those translations make us decide how we feel about an event and what we need to do about it. It is not always possible to change what happens to us, but we can always change how we translate what happens to us.
Janet herself has had to deal with moments of both happiness and unhappiness in her own personal life. She admits to not being able to actually help people to be happy, but stresses that if you can prevent unhappiness then you have a good chance of being a contented individual. She would like to help people achieve that level of contentment. Although it is something we each need to do for ourselves, as long as we really want to succeed, she believes we will be able to bring about change.
She would, however, like to advise people that happiness is not a goal but an emotional response to things that happen and that it is perfectly natural to feel sad at times. In order to help happiness develop and grow, we need to feel accepted by those around us and feel like valuable members of society.